I Swear My Parents Love Me

Nights are often spent chatting with the family, and the subject often turns to the differences between "Western" and "Eastern" culture (how I am so sick of that dichotomy), and as I try to narrow it down to, "American" and "Syrian" culture, though again I like to narrow it down, explaining that New York and Texas can be very different, and they remind me that Sham is very different from the reef (countryside) and Lattakia is very different from Sham.

But still, one point that comes up a lot is weakness of American (or Western) families. The father Um Mazen likes to point to how he has provided for Iyad, the law school grad, as an example of how Syrian culture is superiour to American. "Look! My son Iyad, 26, has never had to work. We let him focus on studying, and now, he is going to intern with a lawyer (you need two years of working under a lawyer before you can get your liscense. Iyad has been somewhat picky about who to work with). He graduated in May, and we feed him and take care of him. Why? Because we love him. He is in my heart, my son. Not like America, when at 18 your parents throw you out and you have to take care of yourself. No, no. We don't make him study and work at the same time." Previously, they have asked if I worked and I have listed some of the jobs I had, at grocery store, in ice cream shop, waitress, telemarketer, at the school in NY, etc. They apparently think this means a lack of love. Especially in high school.

"My parents love me. They wanted me to be independent, and I wanted to work."
"Why?"
"I wanted to buy things."
"Why wouldn't your parents buy things for you? That's what parents are supposed to do. Look we feed and take care of Iyad."
"I mean, they fed me and all that, but I wanted to buy a car."
"Why couldn't they buy that for you? If you needed it?"
"What? If I want something, does that mean I parents should buy it for me?"
"Of course!"
"So if I wanted ahorse, or a plane, my parents should buy it for me?"
"Be reasonable. But if they could afford it, why not?"

This isn't the first time I've heard similar complaints about how Americans and Europeans abandon their children at 18, though I explain that parents usually help pay for college and all that and actually the 18 years olds want to leave. And I wouldn't say providing everything for your children is necessarily Syrian as I know tons of spoiled Americans (I mean, I went to NYU). But I've written my mother to tell her that my family here doesn't agree with her parenting style, and it's time for her to prove her love: "I want a pony. You love me, right?"