A Word About the Dudes

Ask the foreign tourists or students about the Middle East, and most will wax lovingly on beautiful ruins, good food, and charming locals. Oh, except the men. In Egypt this is practically written in bold type across the face of every travel guide. And while most will agree that Syria is much better harrassment-wise, people still be complaining up a storm. In a recent NPR story on foreign students in Damascus, two American girls were interviewed who said "they had a hard time adjusting to the aggressive attentions of Syrian men".

But let's give the dudes a fair shake. Yes, the boys be looking. But get out of the old city and you'll realize that whoa! it's not as bad. Paradoxically, the places that are buzzing with tourists and assorted ajanab are where they are stared at like crazy. Plus, most of the times when dudes say something to me it is "Allah khaliki" (God keep you) or something similar, as I'm passing. Which, in a way, is kind of nice, I neither do I want to be struck down by god.

Plus none of the western ladies are ever talking about the other side of the dude story: how many times a day do men squat or stand so that you can sit down on the micro or bus? How many times do they let you cut in front of all the men at offices, cutting down your dealing-with-bureaucracy time considerably. How many times has a man passed me in a busy street, putting his hands behind him so that he does not even accidently brush against anything? All the freaking time. Micro drivers won't usually stop before big a big muhata (big station-stop), where at certain times of the day crowds of people swamp micros and you have to fight for a place. Some cheaters like to walk ahead of the muhata and flag down a micro, but the drivers know this game and refuse. Unless a lady flags them down.

I know where this comes from, and I was annoyed when I first got here. I can stand on the freaking bus! It is especially embarassing when an old man shakily gets to his feet and offers you the seat. No it's okay old-timer. I can stand. No really. why don't you sit down before a hip breaks. No really, I swear that the burden of female is not so heavy that I am unable to carry it this 15-minute bus ride. Thank you though.

I would prefer to not to be treated special just because of my extra x-chromosome, but I feel that the ladies, when ranting about the dudes of Syria, should relate this side too. My ass has been pinched 3 times in 7 months of Syria, but countless times men have moved around so I could sit next to another woman on the micro, or squished themselves so that they didn't touch me. Or the line of men that ran up to offer to help me carry my full 20-Liter jug of water (tap water undrinkable in Jerimana, we have to buy) yesterday without one horndog look or unpolite word. There's more than just the piercing eyes of frustrated, aggressive men in Sham.