Talking 'bout the Ladies

Last night I went to the Arab Cultural Center in Adawi, just a few winding alleys away from my home. Tucked back away from the major streets, it is a oddly-placed grand building.

I went for a lecture on the "Cultural Marginilization of Women" led by Lena Mabardi, a TV journalist here with a Dutch kid from my class and Iyad, the mid-to-late 20s law school graduate who is the only remaining son of the family I live with (I don't want to say host brother). The large auditorium was mostly empty, and then the power went out. We located to a more intimite side room, lit by two battery-lamps. There were about 3 old guys, who looked as though they might just go to every cultural event out of boredom, 2 other guys, the female director of the center, 2 other women, Iyad, Marios from my class, and me.

Ms. Mabardi read a piece she had written, of which I caught most. The discussion afterwards was in 'ammiya, and I understood almost everything, leaving me in the strange place where I understand 'ammiya better than fusha. I guess I do get more practice listening to 'ammiya, but still, strange. The discussion was very friendly and laid-back. A muhijaba (veiled woman) questioned Ms. Mabardi about some of the things she had said about Islam's role in this marginilization, and agreed with much of what she said, Ms. Marbadi had spoken about the relative freedom of women in some pre-Islamic Middle Eastern societies such as Egypt. A man who identified himself as an independent studier of culture cited studies in which women themselves treat their boys better than their girls. I wanted to jump in at that point citing my own research on the topic (and how it intersects with the IMF), but that shit took me 30+ pages to explain in English.

The director then called out the obviousness of Marios' and my foreigness, asking us where we were from and what we were doing. This is always when I'm worst at Arabic, when I'm put on the spot and have to speak in front of a room of people.

America? she said. Can you tell us about the situation for women in America?
Uh, in general?
Yes. Is thate equality, for example? Go ahead.

What a wide question. I struggle with this somewhat, between talking about the US as a glorious wonderland of gender equality, which it is not, and denigrating it as comodifier and exploiter of women. For example, were I to wax on how wonderful it is that young women in America live alone and date and fuck with impunity, I would be met with: that's equality? The men are using these women and not marrying them. Aren't they heartbroken? Don't you have problems with teenage pregnancy and abortion? Aren't the women all starving themselves and getting plastic surgery (like they aren't here?). But my friends are a jealous of the freedom with which I travel and live apart from my family. I want to communicate that while not perfect, there has been a lot of progress and as a woman, I prefer it to Syria. The problem isn't the laws, it's the families. My girlfriends here don't have to be home at 10pm because of the state, or Islam (certainly not the Christian and Druze ones) but because of gossiping neighbors.

So I talked about how the feminism of the 60s and 70s achieved a lot of changes in laws, and because of that women of my generation feel like we don't have to fight against anything, and we buy into the image of the perfect woman. We've changed the laws but we still need to change society, I said. This was agreed upon by all present. Yes, said another Syrian woman, like here. Most laws are equal, but it is society that marginilizes women.

After the discussion Ms. Mabardi chatted with me and gave me her contact info. I'm asking her to send me her piece so we can read it in class.