Every culture has its own boundaries for polite behavior. There's a lot of horribly rude things in Syria that would be considered normal in America, such as not insisting guests eat until they are unable to move or directing them to the fridge to get their own drinks. Of course, there are also completely normal things in Syria that are unspeakably, horribly rude in America. Foremost in my mind is the nonchalance with which people tell others they are fat:
One morning, I greeted Shaza and Rahaf, coworkers of my age I would often chat with, and after the usual pleasantries, Shaza added, "Samnaneh!" or "You're fatter!""What?"
"Samnaneh" She repeated. "Been eating lots lately huh?"
Whoa. In America, you could probably sue some one for that. But here, as she explained to me, that's normal. She and the other young woman said they tell each other all the time, "hey, you're fatter!" or "Hey, thinner!". I told them that would be considered totally rude in America.
"But why? I'm just saying you've gained some weight. It's not a bad thing. You're just fatter. We say it all the time. Hey Rahaf, looking thinner! She'll tell me Hey Shaza, you've gained weight. It's normal."
I'll see friends and they'll let me know Nahfaneh! or Samnaneh! I'm still not used to this. While in America people will tell you if you've lost weight, weight gained is not voiced. If I greet some one I haven't seen for a while at Capoeira, the first words besides shloanik and shu akhbarik will be a commentary on my preceived slimmer-ness or fatter-ness.
In the Turkish baths (hammam) the other day, the other ladies had no reservations telling me "you are fatter than her (my companion)" or pointing to my kirsh (belly).
Maybe I'm just too sensitive. Being fat isn't necessarily a bad thing. The girl in Capoeira that every man is in love with was described to me by my friend Saleh as such: "She is fat and it is good!"
2 comments:
This is a great blog. I'll visit again.
Have you come across the expression 'sahthu mneeha'? It means literally 'his health is good', and is used to describe a plump or fat man. Fat has different cultural meanings in different times and places. In the US where obesity is a serious problem, the ideal of beauty is thin. Not so in Syria.
I used to live in Oman. In Salalah in the south, girls are fed to make them fat and beautiful to attract a husband.
I come from Mariyah's blog, and I'm writing from Peru.
Here in Peru, as in the US, you are only told about your weight when you have lost some. Only very rude people will tell you something if you have gained some.
As for guests taking their own drinks from the fridge, it's acceptable when they are family or very close friends.
I'll be looking around!
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