Things I am Not Going to Miss About New York

Well now that I'm leaving, I'm also going to leave the pity party. So here's some shit I'm not going to miss about New York:

- prices: movies, drinks, food, every fucking thing

- dodging asshole cars who don't want to share the road with bikes; dodging asshole pedestrians who neglect to watch for bikes

- the ubiquitous creepy/voyeuristic/increasingly porny American Apparel ads: No thanks, I really don't want to see a 5-foot cooch.

- getting yelled at by construction workers on my bike - really, what reaction do they expect? Am I going to get off my bike, fuck them, and then continue on my way to work? I really don't budget that kind of time into my commute.

- the person who stole my bike seat

- the hotdog guy who was right next to my bike but apparently didn't say a word while a guy stole my fucking bike seat

- Flight of the Conchords - because the season actually ended so there is nothing to miss

- did I mention the price of shit in New York?

- if I have to hear "Umbrella ella ella" once more time the stabbing begins

- shitty clubs where the focus, instead of on the dancefloor, is on assholes with AmEx cards who reserve the privilege to drink Grey Goose for $300 a bottle

- I-bankers who have to make up for a 70 hour workweek by being the biggest douches at the bar

- handbags and shoes - why do people give a shit about this shit?

- hipsters

- those Sunday mornings when you think "I should go work out or go outside because it's so nice" but then its 3:00pm and the store is too far away and you're very hungry so you scrounge for leftover forgotten soup crackers from your roommate's takeout last month

- beauty standards - people in New York be so pretty!

But of course, I'm going to be about three times prettier when I step off the airplane in Damascus on Friday night. Ahh, for once my pasty skin is a blessing, not a burden.