Justificationista: Digital Camera

When need or desire dictate, I can justify any selfish impractical purchase. Despite having given up the Catholicism years ago, the Guilt continues, only in different incarnations. Instead of dirty thoughts about Ricky Martin (oh, 7th grade), I now feel guilty about the effects of my lifestyle and purchases. For example, the copious amounts spent on booze; fortunately this assuages guilt as it's consumed. I think the nation of Ireland has scientifically proven drink's short-term relief from the Guilt.

But there are many products, mostly bought merely for the pleasure they provide, that do not erase inhibitions, memories, OR guilt as well as alcohol. The gold belly ring I bought in February (allergic to all other metals) after the one I've had in there was lost (after 4 years of use) could not be justified. That ring was a shiny symbol of vanity, decorating a belly that never is (nor needs to be) exposed anyways. This article, which of course I remembered as I made the purchase, did not exactly ease my misgivings. Even without that, to spend that much money on a purposeless bauble. The ring now lives on my dresser, and the hole has grown back in. But seriously, I was getting much too old for a belly ring.

Now there's a whole list of shit I "must" buy before I go to Syria. One being a digital camera, because I must put photos of Syria up on facebook. Nevermind I brought one to Egypt and used it very infrequently, considering I was there for six months. Traveling through Syria alone, I did take picture upon picture, only to fall on my ass on stone steps in the old city on my last day, breaking the camera. The pictures of Syria are still intact on the memory card - I'm just too lazy to have actually uploaded them onto anything a year later.

But I want that digital camera. Digital because it reduces silver emissions from developing. Yah! Everything's digital, no mess, no environmental degradation... except batteries. Fuck. But I have to preserve the memories from such an unbelievable experience as Year in Syria! Looking back on these photos in the future will jog my mind. Hopefully by then I will be in a position of power. Perhaps with the bombs pointed at Damascus, I will look upon my (digital) albums... "but that's such a lovely church near Bab Toma! Oh, maybe we'll try diplomacy." "Yo Israel, look at me in '07 with all these smiling kids - you don't want to go to war with that. Assad, man, it's cool. See, here's me at the Umayyad Mosque. Now let's sign this bad boy peace agreement and eat some hummus." If Rumsfeld had taken nice photographs of Baghdad back in '84 maybe he would have thought twice about pushing invasion after all. One little selfish consumerist purchase (plus a supply of batteries) and perhaps I effect peace. Justified!

Plus, my American upbringing having supplied every real material need, I hunger only for the experiential, which cannot take place in a vacuum. My experiences must be shared, photographed, and blogged. Concerts must be camera-phoned or recorded. Moods must be reflected on myspace. Ephemeral inside jokes must be preserved on facebook quotes. It begs the question: If the experience is not captured, did it really happen?