Mad Props

No disrepect to Ramadan or Islam is intended on my part. Fasting during Ramadan is mad hard, hard enough that I couldn't keep it up for long. I was more making fun of myself for fasting because unlike Muslims I don't have any religious or spiritual reasons behind it, and I'm a pussy who couldn't do it. I was really just doing it for the experience, but when I realized I was looking forward to my period for the first time ever (women can't fast during that) it was clear that Ramadan isn't for me. So I don't know which is really more offensive: my complaining about how hard Ramadan is or fasting as an atheist "trying out something new!" I'm done fasting now since never getting sick or having a digestive problem when I was in Egypt is catching up with me (what happened to my stomach of steel?).

"Dude, fasting is hard. How long till iftar? I want some water."

"Why are you doing it if all you do it complain?"

"..."

And here's a random fun quote from a friend: "In Syria, we worship the moustache."

Classes Classes

I've had three days of classes thus far, and it's not so bad (when you drink water). Today I didn't even wake up for sohour, so I feel incredibly well-rested, and I've already had a bottle of water and a date so I feel incredibly fucking incredible.

Classes aren't bad. 9am-1pm 5 days a week. I have 14 in my class, Germans, Swiss, French, Koreans, Spanish, Danes, a Norwegian, and another American. You can hear their accents through the Arabic, which is quite funny. Especially the French and the Koreans. But I've already hooked up a language exchange with a medical student twice a week to really learn the Syrian ammiya, as class is straight fusha.

Yesterday after class I went to Yarmouk, a Palestinian refugee camp on the outskirts of Damascus to help my friend Colin teach an English class. There wasn't a great turnout because of Ramadan, but once this month is over there should be a lot more coming. It's sad - we were at a Palestianian Cultural center and the walls were covered with murals drawn by the children. While the situation is obviously more dire for Palestinians in the occupied territories its hard to believe that in all the negotiations the only mention to the refugees is that there should be "a just settlement". Class was on the roof under a large curtain to shield the sun, and looking over Yarmouk (which is huge) I thought, "These people will never return to Palestine." It's really fucking sad.

After class I accompanied Colin to his friend Ra'id's house for iftar (where we all had hung out playing cards last Thursday night). It's really fun hanging with those guys, but Ra'id is hitting on me and I really don't need that. I just wanna hang, yo. He called me Saturday to invite me to an art gallery on Sunday morning, but I had class. Then last night he's asking me if we can go out sometime this week to talk, so he can "get to know me better." Jesus. The food was delicious though, and Ra'id and Ruba's (his 20 year old sister) mom loves me and my laugh and jokingly told me I had to move in.

دعيفة وسعيدة

That didn't last very long. Yesterday, the third day of Ramadan, I broke my fast. I had run a shitload of errands, and was hanging with my friend Colin deciphering a newspaper (he's working on Jahin). The sun was brutal. Fuck it, I bought some water. ya haram! But it was delicious. Maybe with the promise of heavenly rewards I could have held out. Food, that's not so hard but water? That's just cruel. So I drank. I was weak and happy- دعيفة وسعيدة . But I guess that's quite common for me ever since I lost my religion, whereas in my younger, religious years I would have savoured suffering for god. I'm weak and hedonistic, and loving it!

My I-need-some-water position was reconfirmed today during the first day of classes. I actually tested into level 5, though with how the test went I had been readying myself for 3. Four hours a day - I can't get through that without something to drink. Food in my belly from a more recent time than 4am suhour would also be nice. Also, suhour makes me dead tired. Iftar at 7 means I'm not that tired until 11 or 12. Suhour at 4am. When suhour is over before 5 (after helping clean up and all that) It takes me a while to get to sleep, what with having just eaten and the tea forced upon me each morning. Another girl in my house also broke fast today with Coke and juice. I'll still not eat during the day (for however long that lasts on this, the fourth day of Ramadan) but give me that water.

Ramadan is Easier if You Sleep All Day

Thursday night after iftar I went to visit my friend Colin in Jeremana, an area of Damascus that used to be heavily Druze but now there's lots of Iraqis too. Not only was it the first of Ramadan, but it was also a Christian holiday عيد الصليب (festival of the cross). I don't think we have anything similar here, and I don't really know what it celebrates. I found out about it during iftar when we heard booms from outside. "That's the Christians celebrating." We went up to the roof and could see where people were shooting up fireworks into the sky. Bab Toma was quite busy as well.

In Jeremana, Colin, the guy he's living with Tariq, and I walked around before going At Raid's we mostly talked, shishaed, and played Old Maid. Tariq expressed admiration for Hitler. Why? Because he killed Jews, and the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Tariq admitted that he knows Jews and Israelis are different, and that the Holocaust was instrumental in gaining support for the state of Israel, and that it's bad when innocent people die. "Still," he said, "you have to admit that he is better than Stalin." Raid's sister joined us for cards. At around 11 I texted Huda to let her know I would be late. At 12:30 I thought I should go, but was convinced to stay. So I stayed until sohur (the meal before sunrise), getting home after 5am.

Woke up Friday at noon. Apologized to Um Zahir and Huda cause everyone told me they had been worried about me when I didn't show up for sohur. Turns out Huda's number in my phone was off a digit. Took a nap later in the day. This makes waiting for iftar much more bareable, but I won't be able to do this when I have class 9-12:30 tomorrow.

لن اتعلم العربية ابدا

متى ساصنح جيدا بالعربية؟ درستها اكتر من سنتين لكن من رجعت من مصر الى امريكا اشعر بانا في نفس الدرجة. جاءت الى سورياواعيش مع اسرة سوري تعلما وتكلما كثيرا لكن في بنات امريكيات في البيت. ممكن لازم انسي العربية و ابدء بالروسية او فارسية او هستمرمع فرانسية , وحدة من اسهل الاغان. ساحاول

Ramadan Karim

Ramadan began today. This meant Um Zahir woke us all up at quarter to 3:00 am for the morning meal. She knocked on my door and asked "Aneet, tasoumee?" (Are you fasting?) Well, once I'm awake, why not. We groggily went downstair and ate, before going back to bed at 4:00am. While we were eating the family recieved calls and made call wishing people a happy Ramadan, and found out that we were an hour early. The Ramadan calendar Sandra bought yesterday was off my an hour - ouch.

So I've decided to fast. Everyone's doing it, except Mindy who's been too sick to leave the house. Why are we all doing it? None of us are Muslim. But by fasting I'm adding to my white girl foreigner experience of this crazy different culture! What other reason do I have? My excuse is that fasting means meals with the family, meaning more Arabic. Sigh... only 3 more hours until I can eat (7pm). What am I saying? I can eat anytime I want. 3 more hours until I allow myself to eat.

I had my placement test at the University today, which just about raped me. Two hour test of four thirty minute sections: listening, reading, grammer, writing, and then an oral portion. I fucked up, but I hope not bad enough to be put in a horribly low level, at which point I should just give up.

I started talking to this Syrian girl while I was waiting for my oral, and I was telling her how I find Arabic hard. "I think it's beautiful," she said. Beautiful, I concurred, but still hard. "Language is not hard if you really love it and commit yourself to it. I'm learning Japanese right now and it's supposed to be a hard language but because I love it and the sound of it I love to study and so it's not hard."

Thanks. Arabic isn't hard, I just don't love it enough.

To Fast or Not to Fast?

Ramadan might start tomorrow if the moon is visible tonight. Should I fast or not? Zahir asked me today after my marathon with the bureaucracy whether I was planning on fasting. I hadn't really considered it... after all I'm not Muslim. I told him maybe, but I like food. He and Um Zahir laughed at this, but said I should think about fasting.

Lindsey is planning to fast. Initially, for solidarity with her Muslim husband. When she told him, he got mad, and told her that she shouldn't fast for him, fasting should be only for God. She set off to the Bible and a translated Qur'an to find out whether she could theologically justify her fast. She's fasting, she decided, for God. It's the same God.

I feel as though I shouldn't fast, despite Jolianne's "Ramadan Diet" success (this was just a good side effect, not her aim in fasting last year). I am, after all, an atheist and fasting for God is therefore not a possibility. Would it be wrong of me to fake piety? Or worse, fast for the aesthetics, meaninglessly attaching corporal and temporal concerns to what is supposed to be a religious act?

I won't be eating or drinking in public, which is rude when everyone around you is fasting. But what will I say when the family invites me down for iftar (the meal to break fast), and asks me whether I fasted?

Also, it's really hot and I can't imagine making it from 8am (classes at 9) to sundown without water. And a month is a long-ass time.