Habeebas (Lovers) and Wives

I met my friend outside the old city last Saturday. I was surprised at first when I saw her, as she was without hijab. We went over to the car, which was driven by an older man, with a younger older man in the passenger seat. They took us to a restaurant by Barada Club, nothing special except it seemed the few clientele at that time (4pm) were mostly older men with younger women. There was heavy makeup and one woman in a backless strappy top. Then again, that's not so weird - everytime I walk by the restaurants on sahat ar-Rawda in Jeramana I see the same equation, the guys often in Khaliji dress.

I was a bit stand-offish, but tried not to broadcast my disaproval. This is everyone's fear for a runaway girl- that she falls in with an older guy who takes advantage of her. But no, the older older guy (who asked me to guess his age - I guessed 48 and his 37-year-old self was not happy) was just doing the driving and the younger older man knew my friend, through a friend. And they were both married and passed around mobiles with pictures of their latest babies so I eased up a bit.

The conversation went around over appetizers. No one ordered drinks, though the men wanted us too. The younger older man got up to return to work. The older man, a former boxer and current trainer, began talking about exercise and how it keeps you young (this is when I guessed his age incorrectly, shooting holes in his theory - but then again I don't think getting hit in the face is the kind of exercise that keeps you young). Even my wife exercises, he says.

Then he got to talking about his former habeeba, who is living in the Gulf and married but before her marriage sent him text messages and cried on the phone. But no, he said, he had to let her go because it was best for her to settle and all that. It wasn't fair to her if she didn't marry. I loved her, I'm not one of those who has more than one habeeba, but I had to let her go.
"Wait, aren't you married?" I asked.
Yes, but apparently this is inmaterial. He explained that at home is at home but outside of that he's fine. He explained to me his day, and the splits between home life, work life, and hanging out in cafes with habeeba life.
"I'm married, but I need someone to love, to take out to dinner, to spoil, to spend money on," he explained.
"Can't you take your wife out?"
"Well, she's old fashioned. She hijabs. There's the kids at home."
"Hire a babysitter."
"We tried that. But she's very jealous. She gets angry if I look away from the table for a minute. 'What are you looking at?'"
"Maybe she's in the right to be jealous if you're running around with girls. Wouldn't you get jealous if she was going out to restaurants with other men?"
"She would never do that. She's old-fashioned. That's Eib (shameful)."
"Isn't it eib for you too?"
"yes, but it's different. She gets jealous even if I just am with friends who are girls, just a sadeeqa, not a habeeba."
"So would you not get jealous if she were with shabab friends, who were just friends?"
"That's eib."

I was completely incredulous. I kept coming back with What if your wife did what you did? But that's impossible, she loves me! She's traditional! She wouldn't want to. Arabic has a great word for use in this situation, لو. It means an impossible if. Like if I were a man, if people were able to breath underwater, if your wife wanted to go to a restaurant with a pretty young man. Assuming that if, what would you think IF your wife acted like you act. Impossible! Eib!

The worst part was that he kept admitting, "You're speaking logic, but this is just society." And that he admitted what he was doing was wrong, but there it is. At one point he told me how at home he's great with the wife and the kids and he prays...
"What's the good in praying if you go out and cheat on your wife?"
"No, no, no, I don't cheat on her. There's no sex. Hold hands, go out to restaurants, maybe some kissing, that's it."
"Would it be alright for your wife to go around with young men?"
"No, no, no, that's not allowed. She's a woman."
"So what? What's the difference?"
"What's the difference? There are huge differences."
"Like what?"
"A woman gives birth. I have to know that those are my children, not someone else's."
"But if your wife was just going around holding hands, eating at restaurants, and kissing young men she wouldn't get pregnant. Where's the problem?"
"It's eib. It's not allowed."

He agreed that his running around with the young ladies was eib and haram, but c'mon, what else is he going to do. A man needs a change of location - he can't be in the house all the time. Your wife might like to get out of the house too - but oh right, you can't take her out because... right.
"And you can't just go out to a restaurant and hang out with your friends."
"No, all of them have habeebas." He mentioned the younger older guy who had been with us. He has a habeeba as well. She's very very beautiful... (he went off while I thought, am I supposed to give a fuck that she's pretty? Like, cheating is bad, but if she's beautiful, it's awesome!) "What am I going to be the only one without a habeeba?"
"Maybe you need to get new friends."

My friend returned from the bathroom and we got out of there to meet my boyfriend at Bab Sharqi. When we were alone, me and my friend, I told her the guy was a creep. She said yeah, she knows. She doesn't know him, she knows his friend, who is her friend's (married) boyfriend. Her friend is the beautiful habeeba. She knows, but the younger older guy dating her friend despite his marriage is getting her a good job in a pharmacy.

While I was talking to the older guy about his habeebas and wife, it struck me that, especially if there really was no sex, bravo to the ladies.

Then we went to an art gallery.